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the neurotic girl in a bloody white dress

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6th April 2015

8:58pm: "I never should have smoked crack."
I was helping cover Customer Service when i heard someone shout, "Hey! i want to buy a Nook! Hello?!" from the store entrance. I headed over there as a guy with sunglasses on (inside) started tapping on one of the Nook devices. I also noticed that he had a hospital bracelet. He started talking at me a mile a minute, so just imagine me nodding and barely getting a word in edgewise.

Guy: How much are these Nooks?
Me: $179.99
Guy: Fuck! I only have $160. I never should have bought these cigarettes! *shakes fist holding 2 packs* Don't you have some kind of discount i could get? Some kind of coupon? Maybe i could talk to a manager?
Me: I am a manager.
Guy: Fuck. I never should have smoked crack. Do you know where else i could get one for cheaper? I have $160 dollars in cash, i swear. I wanted to get one of the Nooks when they first came out but i was in prison. White collar crime. But i've got a clean bill of health now! *shows me his hospital bracelet* Ok, well i'm going to go now. I'll come back next week when i have the money *leaves*

I look over at the cashier and a customer, and all of us are trying to hold in laughter. I go over to help with the line that has formed, when he comes back into the store and feels the need to announce himself.
Guy: Hey, i'm back! I'm going to get a magazine! *goes to Newstand then comes back a minute later, obliviously trying to cut into the line, holding up a Playboy for all to see* Ok, i'm ready!
Me: Uh, the line starts over there.
Guy: Oh! Sorry!

When he's up next he lets the person behind him go and hovers by my register until i am free.
Guy: I got this Playboy, it has my favorite rapper in it. And this other mag has Steve Jobs. I love Steve Jobs. How much is it, Twenty bucks? Oh, $14.62. Hey, it's like everything is $14! That's how much these cigarettes were too! Membership? I might have one. What do you need, my social? Oh, my phone number *tells me the number several times, so fast i can hardly understand*
Me: I'm sorry, that's not working.
Guy: Oh yeah, that's my birthdate. Oh well, I'll buy a membership! I can use it when i'm back next week! Oh, i should probably save my money. I spend my money like there's no tomorrow. Sorry, i keep talking so fast. I'm on medication. But i've got a clean bill of health now! *shows me his hospital bracelet again* Oh, gift cards! Lemme get one of those. Put twenty bucks on it. Fuck, i spend money like there's no tomorrow. But then i'll have this saved for next week when i'm back. Oh, those are nice shopping bags! Gimme one of those. I'll take... the one with This Side of Paradise. Yeah. i want to carry all my stuff in it. Then i can be fashionable. Yeah, fashionable, and not like i just bought a Playboy.
(This whole time i am using all of my effort to not laugh in his face)
Guy: Sorry i'm talking fast. Am i funny? I used to do stand-up nights at this place in Ballston. But then they went out of business, so i started going into DC. That's when i started doing crack. But i've got a clean bill of health now *shows bracelet again* Ok, well thanks. I'll be back next week.

I kinda hope I'm working when he comes in again.

(i felt a funeral in my brain)

3rd March 2015

9:38pm: Hold me tight I wanna go fast
When you're upset or sad about something , it sometimes can feel worse when it's something you can't really talk about with anyone. Or at least you feel like you can't. It's something that only belongs to you and you have no one to share it with.
For example, a few weeks ago I had been looking through old entries from when I was in Californa and I suddenly found myself remembering a phrase that meant something special to me, and I would say it when I was happy or excited about something. But I couldn't remember what it was from or where I had first heard it, and that drove me crazy because my memory for those kinds of things is usually very good. Then I realized that there was only one other person who could help me remember, Kelly. And he's gone. It was such a horrible thing to have hit me like that, it made me angry, and I was too overwhelmed by it so I pushed it away. Towards the end of October was when I stopped thinking about any of that, and I convinced myself I was over and done with the hard part. Today the phrase came to me again and I found myself with a fuzzy memory of where it came from. But with that memory I could hear Kelly's laugh as I would shout it. And the grief is back. And anger too. When it happened I was so far away and so disconnected from the situation, but I tried everything I could think of to help, but it didn't matter. Did he at least know that? Did he believe me when I said I really did love him? Did she tell him everything I asked her to before they let him go? I'll never know. All I have left is a voicemail from right before. I'll never delete it, though I haven't listened to it since September when I was in Florida for my birthday. Alone on the beach, I tried to say a proper goodbye. I know I sound crazy. I know some people would think I'm over emotional because I wasn't even in California long at all, but it was a big and important thing to me. And he was one if the few people that understood that. God, I told him so at the end. I hope so much that he believed it. I'm a shy person. It takes me a while to get over that shyness. When I connect with someone quickly without too much shyness, that's it. I know that person is going to mean something to me, and I will remember and miss them forever later, however short a history we had.
I can't wait until it's warm. I need a nice warm day to be outside, laughing, having fun, feeling carefree. I can't wait to go back to the beach. I think all of that will help me feel better. The cold always makes me want to shut down.
I had been thinking I want to get a tattoo for my time in California. Somthing small and personal, that only means something to me. Something I probably won't bother explaining to most people. I had been thinking of this phrase. But I don't know. I have to think about it... There's also always Tom Waits. HOBP.
Wait till yesterday is here.

I'm at the gym, just sitting in the sauna. I should probably go work out. Help me to relax.

(i felt a funeral in my brain)

22nd February 2015

11:38am: Oscars
It's finally here! Tonight is the Oscars, or the night most of my friendlist probably wonders why we are friends. I don't care. It's my Super Bowl, and this has been the best season ever. Everyone at Clarendon is really into movies, so it's been so much fun getting to discuss what we've seen and what we liked with everyone. My boss is even more into it than I am! He was so excited when I told him I was requesting tonight off because he did too. He has seen everything. We did that once, 2007. Every short film and animation, everything. Except The Departed. It was out on DVD already and it was the night of when we got it and we ran out of time. Of course it ended up being the big winner of the night, taking Best Picture and lot of others. Anyway, I've never been into sports, but this year that's what it really felt like, with all of us getting really into it. Catching up and asking, "How many do you have left to see? You saw that? Where was it playing?" Or, "What did you think ? Yeah everyone said it was so amazing, and I really didn't care for it." The movies are like teams I guess :)
It is so disappointing that Lego Movie didn't get a nomination. My mind doesn't even understand that. If Big Hero 6 doesn't win, then that category is just a throw-away in my mind. Tried to see as many best pictures as possible:

Birdman (I bet it will win and I would be so happy!)
The Grand Budapest Hotel
The Imitation Game

Didn't have time to see Selma or Theory of Everything, which is disappointing, but I still think 5 of 8 is really good. Especially since I had no intention of seeing American Sniper. Not ever. Bradley Cooper, stick to movies like Silver Linings Playbook and I'll like you a lot better. And actually see your movies, which is all he really cares about, I'm sure.
I got in a few from other categories as well.

Foxcatcher (sad and disturbing, but creepy, so I liked it)
Gone Girl (I'm pulling for Rosamund Pike)
Into the Woods
Big Hero 6
Maleficent (costumes, of course)
and even Guardians of The Galaxy got a makeup nomination

Whiplash was last night, and it was so great. I hope JK Simmons gets Best Supporting Actor. Basically, as Tony put it so perfectly, it's a sports movie but about MUSIC. It really had me holding my breath and tensed up at moments. Most people seem to not know or get what it's about, I say just watch it and you'll see how original it is.
Shoulda been at the gym an hour ago (so I can go back to sleep after the 7AM meeting tomorrow. Then I gotta hit the store for champagne and nice dinner things for tonight. See, I'm so lame, but I don't care :)

(i felt a funeral in my brain)

3rd February 2015

9:43pm: Harper Lee
It's been a while, but i figured today's news deserved logging back in to make an entry.
Harper Lee has announced that after 50 years she is finally having another book published. When i spotted the first article i was completely frozen in disbelief and so scared that it was fake. That would be a completely different kind of cruel than stupid fake stories about movie remakes or whatever. This is my all time favorite book. When my teacher assigned it to my class in 8th grade, she pulled me aside afterwards to give me her copy and then told me that she knew i would be tempted to read ahead, but asked that i please resist from doing so. I was good for a while, but i ended up giving in. i don't now how many times i've reread it since, but i can't wait to read it again before this one comes out in July. So crazy that i just started reading Lee's bio this weekend. I mean, that was a huge deal on it's own She's so reclusive, i seemed like such a big deal just to learn more about her life. I never imagined we'd ever get to read anything else from her.
I was reading that his new book, Go Set a Watchman, was actually written before To Kill a Mockingbird but the publisher told Lee that they most liked the flashback scenes to the character's childhood, and could she write a novel based around that instead. Go Set the Watchman was set aside in a safe place, she completely forgot that she still had it, meanwhile Mockingbird won the Pulitzer and she thought nothing she wrote could ever be as significant as that. But i am so excited to find out more about what happened to Scout, Atticus and Boo. Also to read what her writing is like all on her own, without any editors' influence. Once i confirmed that the article was real, and that it was exploding all over Facebook, i jumped up to tell a co-worker, only i had to pause because i found myself getting a little choked up. This is so amazing. Once i know the exact release date, i plan on requesting that day off (which means i'll have to come in on my day off, because you know it's going to be an S.O.S. Only Harry Potter was probably a bigger Strict On Sale than this will be) and then taking it to a quiet coffee shop and just read allllll day long. Sigh. i can't wait.

Unrelated, but yesterday i had one of the booksellers call me to help a customer who was upset with an unwanted charge. I walked up, she was an elderly woman with her husband, and asked what i could do for her and she said, "Oh. You're the manager? I thought you were just a teenager." I immediately thought, ok here we go. She's either going to ask 1) if i'm really a manager 2) insist that i am not, or 3)"Oh i thought there was a manager that was a man. Is he here?"
But no, she just seemed so pleasantly surprised that i could help her. Through the whole process she just kept telling me again and again how wonderful of a job i was doing and that she was so impressed with how i was handling the situation. At the end she finally asked how long i had worked for the company, and when i told her 10 years she said, "What!? it can't be that long! You're could only be 18!" So maybe she was only impressed with me because she thought i was a kid playing a being professional, but i've decided i'll take that any day over some of the others. Also, i am aware that i do not actually look 18, and that really it's that the older you get, young people appear younger and younger to you. Still was nice to hear though.
Current Mood: excited

(i felt a funeral in my brain)

14th July 2011

12:27am: use your words, they say.
easier said than done.

Auditory Processing Disorder
Pragmatic Language impairment 

i was diagnosed with these as a child. finding myself more aware of it more and more often.
Current Mood: sleepy

(1 gone insane | i felt a funeral in my brain)

4th July 2011

8:06pm: fireworks are so white-trash.
 i do enjoy 4th of july fireworks. and by fireworks i mean the ones put on by an organized group of safety professionals, at a good distance from all the people who choose to watch them. anything else, besides sparklers, i do not like. you know, the kind of fireworks you can buy at a roadside stand and light up yourself. i really don't care if i offend anyone, but i think "those kind" are super white-trash and redneck.  besides also being super dangerous. if it makes you feel better you could say i'm just skittish and that i probably had a bad experience. but honestly it seems to me all too often people mess around with fireworks and don't give a second thought to what kind of things could happen if they are not perfectly careful. it can't be dangerous if it's all in fun, right? fuck that. if the fun could easily seriously injure/maim someone (or worse) i really don't think it's fair to expose anyone else to it. that is, unless you give some kind of actual consent that you would like to participate.
and yes, i did have a bad experience. but only relatively recently, and my feelings about fireworks have been around my whole life. so my bad experience is really more about being unable to let go of the anger that resulted from it. it also bothers me that there are nice people who would have a party, and set off  "surprise" fireworks directly behind where i am sitting as a "joke." yeah, that's really funny. i don't care how careful you are being, that is really stupid. even if you had been planning it all along, i think you have some responsibility as a host (even if you're a halfway-decent host) to not put any of your guests in an potential danger. how hard can it be to make up some reason to say, "excuse me, but could you not be sitting here right now?"  also, once it's obvious someone at the party is beyond upset, i think that's when you decide, "maybe that's enough for tonight." not, "hey, let's do some more!" 
sigh. whatever. fireworks are dangerous. it makes me sound old. i don't care. i don't need to light things on fire to have fun and act like an idiot. i can be an idiot all by myself. but if you ever have a bbq and invite me, this is why i will first ask you if there will be fireworks before i give my answer. please answer honestly. .
Current Mood: blah

(i felt a funeral in my brain)

28th March 2011

10:36am: some people
i can't tell you how many times someone has posted something on facebook that just sounds really idiotic. and i soooo badly want to comment letting them know it. or to make my own post that seems vague but it really so obviously about this person. but i DON'T DO IT. it's reeeeally really tempting sometimes, but as a result, no big cat fights and no confrontations or whatever happens when you have this so called drama.

every once in a while people go on about how there's so much drama on facebook. too much drama and they don't want to be a part of it. or facebook is bad, there's too much drama. really? is there? i don't seem to notice it. does that mean i'm boring or does that mean there's some thing i'm not doing that maybe the complaining people are doing? because i think for most us us facebook is just a way to tell people what you had for breakfast and to have the chance to know what that kid from your old middle school had for breakfast too. let's think about this a little more, is it just facebook that's full of drama, or is your life full of drama too? come on, it's not really the facebook at all is it? if it's not uncommon for you to start a fight with someone- ok nevermind. i'm guessing that if you can't admit it's not the facebook you also can't admit that you are starting these fights. not even fights really, just open bitchy-ness towards certain people where it would be way more appropriate to just rise the fuck above it and act like a more decent and polite human being for like 5 minutes. then when you're done, if you're frustrated and very annoyed, go vent about it with someone that you're close to. no need to post about it on facebook or tell everyone who will listen. that's gossip. gossip is how drama starts. do we all know the story about the feathers? you let out a bag of feathers into the wind and you will never be able to get them all back. 
and right now i'm not talking about going onto facebook and complaining about clients, or customers, or for some of you co-workers (assuming you are not dumb enough to "friend" a co-worker you don't like and then openly post shit about them on facebook). i get that, and usually we all are amused by it. since none of the concerned parties are getting involved. 
but if you go onto facebook and, for example, post about something annoying your boyfriend does and ask other people if that's normal etc, and your boyfriend is ON YOUR FRIENDSLIST... you are creating fucking drama. YOU are trying to get a rise out of him. and it's your fault and only yours. take some fucking responsibility. 

as kathy griffen has said, "say it to your face? no, i was raised right. i'm going to talk about it behind your back." or something. it sounds terrible, but we all do it it! and if we always did it this way we'd get along a lot more.

Current Mood: late for work now

(2 gone insane | i felt a funeral in my brain)

21st January 2011

8:11pm: books are my friends
i just went to b&n dot com and ordered Wings and Spells used in hardcover. i really am trying to just borrow books from work or buy them on my Nook (and eventually borrow them from the library *on* my Nook, just need to figure that out) so i can save money. also we really don't need anymore books around the house. but, like i say to people when i am selling the Nook, there are still some things i will have to buy to physically put on my shelves. i always say, "sometimes if you have a favorite series that you started buying some time ago you're going to really want to complete the set." well i never bought the Laurel series, i borrowed it. but i do think at some point i'd read it again and i'd just like to have it on my shelf as part of my library. so often i think of my books as friends. i have so many that i've read numerous times, either cover to cover, or just a part that i will be reminded of and take it down to remember again.
this is part of why i like the feature of "naming" your Nook. it makes it personable, so i don't feel like i'm cheating. and i can feel like, "i've got Kittie, and Kittie has all my books (puts in purse), come on Kittie, lets go."
btw, i'm not totally weird and random for naming my Nook Kittie. that's what Anne Frank named her diary. though i don't think it was spelled the same.
i also ordered Kittens First Full Moon, which was a Caldecott winner. the illustrations really remind me of Bowie. i got it used *and* cheap, so that if i chose to cut out and frame some of the pictures i don't have to feel guilty.
i can't wait until they arrive.
Current Mood: lazy

(3 gone insane | i felt a funeral in my brain)

4th January 2011

2:01pm: does anyone know if there is a way to link your livejournal up with facebook? i would like to use livejournal mostly, but it would be cool if people on my facebook could see when i had posted.
anyway, we got the gorgeous purple sofas. soooo much bigger than i had thought. they are curved in a sort of kidney shape, but at their longest point they are both NINE feet. right now the only place to fit both of them is in our living room (which is really used as a living room *and* dining room, one open space). so basically the room is nothing but sofa right now. the blessing is that also from these auctions tony has got lots of shelving, so he is currently working on organizing his shop in the garage. once that is worked out, eventually that make our downstairs available again, and not just a storage area. then we can move one of those massive sofas down there, along with the purple chase lounge. it will make a lovely den and a good space for inviting people over for viewing parties and such. i'm so excited!
tony also found a kit for re-surfacing our kitchen counters. have you every seen the Brady Bunch? notice their 70's fabulous kitchen with dark wood cabinets and loud orange counter tops. this is what our kitchen looks like. minus any pantry space so we have no place to put anything. hopefully sometime soon we will be working on making our counters black, then painting those cabinets a crisp white with black outlines. and the walls will be red. much more modern and to our tastes.
trouble is, while tony has been working diligently in the garage, these lovely sofas make me want to do nothing but curl up with my Nook. oh well. .. now i will go find something to put on the tv so i can work while having something interesting to distract me from getting bored. tony also got a whole bunch of night stands super cheap. i'm painting them up in neat ways so maybe we can sell some of them. caffeine, my dear friend, would you come join me?
Current Mood: good

(2 gone insane | i felt a funeral in my brain)

28th December 2010

2:22pm: christmas was lovely. tony was awesome and actually found time to make a special dinner for xmas eve. chinese food is our tradition, and last year he didn't have time to make it so we got some good carry-out. but this year he made really yummy shrimp lo mein, chicken fried rice, and egg drop soup. our friend sarah came over and we ate and talked while watching classic christmas specials. i really missed having Kit there, since she usually comes over every christmas eve. after eating, i did manage to still get enough energy to make a coffee cake to have with breakfast christmas morning. i was very impressed with how pretty it looked, but it was a little dry. too many nuts i think. so next time less nuts, and maybe more chocolate chips and cream. i gave tony a treasury about all the Harry potter films and Alton Brown's Good Eats: the middle years. i as so excited to find that he had given me both Unico movies on dvd, extremely hard to find. also a new sewing machine! for both of us. even if it's tricky to use to start with, even just making fun alterations to clothes will take much less time now. he also got me the thermal hooded shirts i had been planning to buy myself, in purple, blue *and* black.
we had an early turkey dinner at my uncles house, ate way too much and got very drowsy. later we went to see Black Swan, which was amazing and i loved. it was beautiful, natalie portman is wonderful. (also apparently she has been seeing the guy who plays the prince in their production of Swan lake, and now she is having a baby! for real!) most of the movie is so tense that my hands actually got sore from clutching my purse so tightly throughout.
'but the most exciting thing... tony has been looking at auctions for places that are going out of business (restaurants, salons, bars, etc) and are selling *every little thing* for CHEAP. for example, furniture starting at 3 cents and going to maybe $10 at a final bid. he found a gorgeous purple sofa last week and i wanted it so bad, i can't even tell you. he won it today. in fact, he won two of them. i have ALWAYS wanted a fun purple sofa, but those kinds of things are so expensive. well now we have two. tony had to rent a van for thursday to pick them up, and who knows what we'll do with the second one (maybe sell it) but i am so excited. i can't wait to post a picture cus it's so gorgeous. i can't wait to have it in our living room! i can't wait to paint the living room to do it some justice! and the kitchen too, while we're at it ;)
i have cramps so i'm being lazy until work later, and not feeling guilty about it at all. also, i want chocolate.
Current Mood: grateful

(i felt a funeral in my brain)

22nd December 2010

10:17pm: long time, no see
it's been more than a year. but i still say i miss livejournal, and have only accidently given it up because there is nobody to read my posts. everyone has crossed over to facebook. i mean no offense to facebook, i do enjoy it, but livejournal will always have a bigger space in my heart. so i decided i should be more loyal, regardless if anyone is paying any attention or not.
christmas has gotten here so unbelievably fast this year. time has been going to fast just in general since i started working in the Children's department. i just love it. like anything else it can get stressful, especially since i have to work fast and speed/time managements are not project skills that i have. otherwise, for me, it's the best job ever. anyway, for christmas i had this idea of making tons of lovely baked goods: iced xmas cookies, peppermint brownies, and a coffee cake for christmas morning. i don't care about gifts, but atmosphere and tradition have always been important to me. but i worry i won't be able to fit it all in. cookies are made, but with 4 batches i will struggle with getting them all iced and decorated. then i still need grocery items for the house, i want to clean up the living room (just so it can feel cozy and pretty and for the christmas weekend)... we will see.
been having trouble getting to sleep. i feel i will never get used to not having batty stop everything and come jump into bed with me when i would call for her every night. only two years we had her and i will never get over it. last night i laid bowie between my ankles and scratched and pet him until he relaxed and closed his eyes. eventually he even laid his head on my leg and went to sleep. he stayed for a long time. but it's different because i really have to coax him, and even then it rarely works. once he was down i didn't dare move, even in my sleep, so as not to make him wake and scamper off. i often get teary eyed while i'm trying to fall asleep, missing my batty.
Current Mood: anxious

(6 gone insane | i felt a funeral in my brain)

8th September 2009

2:10pm:  last week i was feeling a lot of anxiousness and insecurity. it was a beautiful weather, so i think that helped a little bit, and i hope the cooler air continues to come in. thursday i went with tony to a Taste of Del Ray. besides just enjoying that neighborhood in general the food sample were very good, and the price of tickets was more than fair. When i was a kid my parents would take us to Taste of Bethesda and it was so frustrating because there were so many good things but we could on;y afford to pick one thing each. the system in del ray system was so much better because for $5 you got 20 tickets, and all the different restaurant servings were each only 1 ticket. so both of us got to try 10 different things. awesome deal. though i wasn't surprised when all the restaurants ran out earlier than expected. 
saturday we went to philadelphia for Dracula's  Ball. i enjoyed getting to spend so much time with tony. i know i don't really see anyone else lately, but along with the other things i've been feeling i've just felt really clingy, and tony is so great because he is so sweet and never seems like he minds at all. i had expected i would wander around and dance a little like at any club night. but i didn't see hardly anyone i knew there. plus, because it was all ages they kept the alcohol drinkers in little corrals around the bar. it was not very relaxing having to slurp down my drink by myself instead of taking a walk around or sitting with tony at the table. though i was glad i was able to be somewhat of a help in setting up, instead of just getting in the way. 
sunday i spent all day baking because i have only one heart-shaped pan and i wanted to make two 2 layer cakes. it was fun and relaxing to be a little bit domestic. 
yesterday i worked, even though i usually take off for my birthday, because i figured i could use the time-and-a-half. every little bit helps. afterwards tony took me to Flying Fish for sushi in Old Town, and then we came home  and ate cake and watched a movie. a quiet night but that's what i wanted. i just wanted to relax and be close with my husband. 
tomorrow i'm off from work and i am going to spend all day reading Judy Blume and eating sugar cereal. yup, my birthday present to myself is to be 13 again. 

next nice day we both have off i want to go to the Pink Bicycle Tea Room, and dress up all pink and girly for a real tea.
Current Mood: blah

(2 gone insane | i felt a funeral in my brain)

1st September 2009

1:18pm: i <3 fall
 yesterday was the first fall-ish day. it was so refreshing and so great for my spirit. i skipped the gym and didn't feel bad about it at all. after work i stopped to change and get tony and we went to lowes to get a big flower pot and some mums for the front stoop.  hopefully in a couple weeks i can get another one and then once october gets around the front of the house will look a little nicer with the red and gold flowers and a cluster of orange pumpkins surrounding them. 
i bought the martha stewart halloween magazine yesterday. she has some really great ideas that really make me want to get the house looking great so that i can have a fabulous halloween dinner party with decorations and food like hers. i think this year i'll just have to settle for having the living room look nice. and just have us and maybe michelle over. though i think the halloween issue of Living from last year was better than martha's halloween zine for this year, since the former inspired more creativity, and the latter included a catalog to just order most of what you saw. her things a really fun, but they are too expensive. i'm going to do my best to make my own versions of her decorations for outside the house this year. 
i know she's not a good person, but i have got to hand it to martha. the way i see it, she's living the dream. not just for the cooking and home decor, but the woman made it doing arts and crafts! if i could get as good as her, and make a living off of it, that would be my dream job. not being an artist, that's not what i mean at all. it's all about crafts. it's my favorite thing to do. give me a canvas and i will stare at it blankly. give me a table, shelf, jewelry box, candle holder, soap dish, any useful object, i'll find a way to make it look more interesting. 

todays getting to be a lot like yesterday. i hope it stays that way until next week, cus i'd love this weather for my birthday. 
then we just need to get ride of that annoying sound of cicadas, and those horrible mosquitos and all will be right in the world.
Current Mood: content

(1 gone insane | i felt a funeral in my brain)

29th August 2009

12:02pm: the great thing about having your husband working from home is that you get to have him there when ever you are there.
the not great thing is that, like retail, saturday doesn't necessarily mean a day off of work for him.

i actually got off work on a real weekend day and spent all week excited about it. only this morning did i finally accept that maybe i would be spending it on my own.sigh. oh well. i'm going to get dressed and explore some thrift stores.
Current Mood: disappointed

(i felt a funeral in my brain)

17th August 2009

6:23pm: brian molko is very sick so Placebo has cancelled their entire north american tour.
i really hope he gets well SOON and they can reschedule because i was looking forward to seeing them so much... more excited than i have been about going out anywhere in a long time.
though i think Tronik is going to be a whole lot of fun. i just love town, it's such a great space. but it's still different.

i went out to get coffee earlier. i hardly ever drink coffee any more, but i was really craving some. in the past 2 hours i drank half the cup. oh well.
Current Mood: blah

(i felt a funeral in my brain)

13th August 2009

12:04pm:  i just got through 8 days of work in a row. my back was killing me. my feet, and my legs too. laying in bed for a couple hours reading a super awesome book that i could not put down, with the heating pad seemed to fix that. plus the cocktail i made myself with dinner.  i found out that after being with the company 5 years i get an extra week of paid vacation, but i didn't find out until it was too late to take it. LUCKILY they said i could have an extension, and so now after 8 busy and stressful days i am taking a few days off. not going anywhere of course, but i have 2 Advanced Reader Copies of books i'm really looking forward to lounging around with, and projects on which i can work.
though i've learned my lesson and i won't leave all of my vacation to the end this year. i figure October is my favorite month and i never have as much time as i would like to enjoy it and all of it's perfect weather and fall loveliness

del ray arts and crafts street fair thing
pumpkin patch
halloween decorating
planting mums
renn faire 
and walks in the woods

i would so love to go to Salem for a few days but i really need to be saving money over the next few months. it looks like tony will be taking another work trip in febuary, and i would love to go along again.

Current Mood: relaxed

(i felt a funeral in my brain)

7th August 2009

7:00am:  i promised myself i would stop buying books to read and go to the library or borrow the hardbacks from work. but this is proving very difficult. i like to keep the books i read. i get attached. plus the library's new hours really suck, and what if the book i want to read isn't in hardback, huh? what about that?!
there's worse things i could spend money on... but it's a slippery slope. must not buy book.

this goes against everything.
Current Mood: blah

(2 gone insane | i felt a funeral in my brain)

4th August 2009

7:47pm:  we had a really great time in florida. destin definitely has one of the best beaches in the world, and i'm so glad we really got to spend a lot of time on it. tony is usually all about not wasting time doing nothing. but i'm so glad we were both able to enjoy a few hours just sitting with our feet in the sand, listening to the ocean, reading, watching the sunset, and not leaving until dark. he even got me up really early our last day to spend a couple more hours at the beach, when usually we don't even bother going until late afternoon when the sun is not so harsh and the heat is gone. it was definitely worth it. 

if i ever have a millions of dollars i'm buying a house in Seaside, FloridaCollapse )
Current Mood: lazy

(2 gone insane | i felt a funeral in my brain)

10th July 2009

1:25pm: PLACEBO!
 i got up early on my day off to get placebo tickets and the live nation website kept sending me somewhere that "did not exist." i started to get frustrated and flustered. but that tony was getting the same problem on his computer and was already on the phone trying to figure out how to call to order them. so he got the tickets for us! it's very fun because i haven't been this excited about an upcoming show in a while.
i really hope they play longer than they did when they were in philadelphia, and i hope they seem less annoyed with the audience...
at least enough that they don't leave out 'pure morning' again.  because it should otherwise be a really good show, getting to see them in such a small venue as Sonar.
Current Mood: excited

(1 gone insane | i felt a funeral in my brain)

7th July 2009

4:03pm:  friday i wanted to just get my bangs trimmed a bit. i usually go to my stylist because it's free just for that small trim, but that's in bethesda so i decided to risk it and go to the haircuttery across the parking lot from my work. it was a little frustrating having to explain excatly where to cut, just here, just a little more, a little more. i finally decided i was getting the best i was going to get and the stylist walked me up to the register to pay i gave her a tip and then realized i had left my check card in my other pants and had no more cash. i started to panic. i told her i didn't have my card and i was going to have to call someone to bring me the money to pay, then asked if that was ok. it seemed she thought i was asking if i could pay later, or something, because she got flustered and told me no i had to pay. i explained to her again that i had to call someone to get the money. then she understood. so embarrassing, everyone staring at me. i didn't want tony to drop everything and come over, so i called my work, almost in tears as i explained what happened and asked if they could send someone in the store who could loan me $15 across the parking lot to the haircuttery. i waited less than 5 minutes for jessie to get there, but in the meantime i just happened to take a seat next to one of our regulars. she offered to help me out, and i told her no thank you i had it worked out, "are you sure? don't worry i know where you work." she said, joking. when jessie got there they over-charged her a little bit and said that next time i come in to remind them to give me a discount. i laughed and said i prolly wouldn't be coming back and everyone waiting there laughed. 

i got to work and found enough change to get a tea and multigrain bagel, and told the story to some co-workers who in turn told me some of their embarrassing stories. even one of the customers standing there told me about how she once got upgraded to a suite at a hotel, and then ended up flooding the huge tub. that was kind of nice.
Current Mood: content

(3 gone insane | i felt a funeral in my brain)

1st July 2009

10:48pm: so if you haven't seen the video Arlington Rap yet,
you neeeeeeed to.

go to youtube and put in "arlington rap"

so funny!
Current Mood: amused

(5 gone insane | i felt a funeral in my brain)

23rd June 2009

9:06pm: my mom has been working as a dog walk since the end of last summer. she really loves the dogs and for the most part enjoys it. but it is very stressful because her boss is very anal and controlling. i can understand that with this kind of business you would almost have to be, because many people would take dog walking lightly or be too casual about getting the job done. but honestly i think she is a bit too strict. even though i don't agree with it i can see why maybe you wouldn't allow your dog walkers to listen to music or audiobooks. but she just gets so angry with my mother when simple reminders could do. my mother works very hard and is so dedicated to her dogs. her first week on the job so many unlucky things happened to her and she kept at it, always trying to be better. once that week she even got pulled by a dog so hard she fell onto the side walk and cracked her chin. not only did she finish the the dogs walk she kept going with the dogs that came next. have you ever had a boss that intimidating that it would allow you to think that your safety and pain were that unimportant? it wasn't until she was all done that she went to the hospital, where she found out she needed stitches.
so now she tells me she's been looking online for government jobs, and she actually got a call back for one that she applied for this week. in new mexico.
i don't even know what to think. i can't imagine this happening. i only just moved out almost 2 years ago (besides a little bit of time here and there, like when i went to l.a.). we've always lived in the same house, and she's always been right there being such a mom to me even when i was too old for it (though i was never complaining).
at first i just laughed cus i've read so many books lately where somebody's mother moves to new mexico and gets all new agey and starts painting pottery. but i don't think something like this could ever sink in until it happened. but really what ever she wants to do is ok with me. she never ever said "i told you so" when i came home from hollywood, as much as she never wanted me to leave. not to mention how she came on super short notice to help me get home.
who knows how this will pan out she could just as easily just stay here. but i hope she can get herself happily settled where ever she ends up. and maybe it will be some place really cool and interesting that would be so fun to visit. i told her to pay attention to jobs in new orleans, san fransico and of course l.a,
Current Mood: pensive

(3 gone insane | i felt a funeral in my brain)

3rd June 2009

4:30pm: every day i become more of a hypocrite, as i look through livejournal and complain to myself that nobody writes anything on here anymore, when neither have i. though i have to say, i don't report my status on facebook nearly as often as some of my friends do.

i went to the dentist today to have my teeth cleaned. i had a ton of xrays done because it was my first visit, since i've changed to tony's dentist. she had a hard time sticking the camera thing in my mouth and often times it was jammed in there quite painfully. she told me i have a small mouth, which is weird because it's something i've wondered about myself, but no one has ever seemed to have noticed. or at least never told me...
anyway, while she was cleaning with the super sharp, speedy water-gun thing, she had me laying back in the chair so far back my legs were up higher than my head. there were plenty of times my eyes were squeezed shut tight as i tried to ignore the pain or discomfort. all i have to say is that if water boarding is anything like that it has to be torture.
really hoping to be able to plan a trip to my grandparents house in florida. a vacation with nothing but long days of reading and walks on sandy white beaches (or the back creek boardwalk), plus tons of delicious home cooked meals or fancy brunches is just what i need. add in night swims in the pool and card games and dominoes, lovely.
and yes, this is an actual picture taken from the destin beach.
Current Mood: blah

(7 gone insane | i felt a funeral in my brain)

10th May 2009

10:21pm: i keep putting off writing an entry because i thought i shouldn't write about anything else until i write about our trip to Vegas. (i'm a little drunk so my spelling might be reeeally bad. even just this far i've had to correct a handful of things and i don't feel like doing that much more)
i don't particularly like the city of las vegas in general, but there are a few small things i liked about the trp. we rented a convertible to drive around in and it was lovely driving through the desert that way. i was grumpy at the start of our visit to hoover dam, but even i was impressed by the time it was time to go. lake mead was a gorgeous blue oasis, and the fish! we went to the marina and the fish crowded to the docks by the hundreds. big ones! huge! i was excited as the toddlers, squealing and pointing, "look! look!" and throwing left over popcorn. my grandmother used to have a koi pond with huuuge fish that she could hold out her hand to and they would eat right out of it. i was glad to see someone trying that out.
red rock canyon was beautiful. just gorgeous. luckily there was a breeze otherwise it would have been hard to enjoy.
it was also really nice to have some time to just float around in the pool and lay and read by the hot tub in the evening. followed by lovely dinner at the Paris casino. that's one thing i recommend seeing on The Strip.
um...hmm... we went to fatburger, which we don't have here. good stuff.
tony had the idea of just driving to l.a., maybe fly back from there. oh how i wanted to do that! i didn't even let myself beleive that it was a possibility because i knew the disappointment could kill me. we ended up having to layover there anyway, and i was like a puppy glued to the window as we landed and took off. as if i could actually spot my beloved hollywood boulevard. yeah right.
i had a nice time though.

(i felt a funeral in my brain)

17th April 2009

11:28am: i met one of my most favorite authors!
so monday i'm at work when i get a call from my boss. i pick up the phone and she says, "killian, Susan Jane Gilman is here-"
loud gasp from me, and i immediately slam down the phone and go running to Customer Service. i start to cry as i run, and when i get there i start to slow down because i realize i don't know what to say or how to say it, should i introduce myself or does she know i've been called over. apparently she heard my gasp because as soon as she saw me approach her, tears in my eyes, she threw her arms open for a hug. i hugged her. then came the word vomit. i spilled out all the things i loved about Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress, that i quote it all the time and my copy is filled with underlined and highlighted passages. i told her i took pictures of myself like the ones on the cover and that i when i was getting married i went to the same David's Bridal that she wrote about. except it all came out really fast and jumbled together. but she was so cool and friendly about it. she said she was so excited that i really loved it and that it was so cool to have a real fan, and not someone who loved her because they were a friend or family. She said she wanted proof of that so we should get a picture together. i went and got my camera phone and came back, and she also wanted a picture with me to have on her phone. her husband took one of us and then she said, "give me your number so i can send it to you!" i did, and i didn't even mind that i never received it. she probably realized it wasn't a good idea to let a stranger have her number, which i totally understand, even though i would never call her. i still have the picture we took with my phone!
tony went with me to see her do a reading at Politics & Prose that night, like she said i should. she was right about most of the people there already knowing her. but they probably thought i knew her too! as i got through the book signing line when she saw me she stood up from her chair, "killian!" and put her arms out for a hug, just like she did for all her old friends.
it was really, really exciting for me.
tomorrow morning we leave for las vegas. i just need to get through the gym today, and then i am going to get a manicure/pedicure. it'll be the 4th time in my life i've ever had one, because i look at it as only being something to do to pamper myself for a special occasion. and it is my (mini) honeymoon after all.
Current Mood: content

(6 gone insane | i felt a funeral in my brain)

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